Shame

Life is in the stories we tell ourselves – both true and false stories. Shame creeps in and distorts the stories we tell about ourselves.

It’s not just one shameful event that holds us back. Many of us have an incident that we remember we were told no or publicly humiliated in some way – even if unintentionally. Those moments lacked the connection we needed to understand the “no” and not be hurt by it.

However, most often, shame is perpetuated by the things we say to ourselves all throughout the day. Ruminating on the shoulda, woulda, couldas. It may come in the form of expectations we place upon ourselves or the expectations we take on from others and from society. Those expectations that we will never live up to, even if they aren’t real and don’t exist in the first place.

Shame is a cycle. We feel ashamed, then feeling shame makes us feel ashamed that we’re even feeling ashamed! It’s a cycle that robs us of moving forward. Stuck standing still and often alone. Shame isolates.

We were created for each other! Life is done in community. Healing is done in community. Growth occurs in community. Shame is a plot of the devil to hold us back from being who God created us to be. We were meant to create and to do. Shame robs us of our purpose and of reflecting our Creator back to others.

Healing from shame begins in a community of a few trusted people that you allow to know you deeply, with no ability for shame to hide. You are not alone. You are seen and understood. Healing also takes time and practice. Evil in the form of shame has been at work in our lives from the time we were about 18 months! It takes practice and perseverance to rewire our brains with truth. We fix our eyes on Jesus as He gazes back at us with loving eyes, no condemnation.

Find your people. I’d be honored to be one of them.